why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
