I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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