just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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