i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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