It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
