Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
