when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
