I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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