he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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