I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
