Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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