YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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