she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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