I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
home. puking in laundry basket.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
