If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
