im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
