Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
