Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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