i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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