I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
