oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
