Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
