Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
