if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
