Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
