my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If I die, sorry about rent.
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