he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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