goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
