I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
