Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
