walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
