Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
