God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
