Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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