Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
