I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
