I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You made out with two different species that night
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
