Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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