i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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