you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
