I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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