I can text with my tongue
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
