I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
