From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
