your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
