the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It was confusing and full of hummus
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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