OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
