I think I am morally bankrupt
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
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