would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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