I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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