I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
