Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
