It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
