I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
